I grew up in a Chinese household where “能说会道” (smooth talker) was not a compliment. It meant slick. Manipulative. Probably lying.

So I learned young: quiet = good.
Don’t interrupt. Don’t show off.
Be “乖” - obedient, polite, golden silence.

It worked. People liked me. Teachers said I was “so mature.” I didn’t say much, and everyone assumed I was smart.

As a new biology Ph.D. student, I was excited, quiet, and a bit clueless. My lab had 17 postdocs and 5 other grad students. Weekly meetings were overwhelming. I faded into the background. No one expected me to speak. And I didn’t.

My advisor, Jeffry, an internationally renowned professor, was always traveling. I could hardly get a meeting with him, much less meaningful guidance. It wasn’t until I ran into Nancy, our graduate program director, that things changed.

I told her I was struggling to get time with my advisor. She didn’t comfort me. She challenged me. “Paul, do you know the most important skill you’re here to learn?”
I said, “To gain new knowledge and finish my research?” She smiled. “No. That will all be outdated in five years. You’re here to learn how to communicate. How to express your thoughts, listen well, write clearly, and speak with impact.” She paused. “And I believe you’ll figure it out. Your way.” She was right. I had to find my way. And I did.

I learned that Jeffry walked his dog every night at 7 p.m. when he was in town. So, I started “coincidentally” showing up. We’d walk together. He’d ask about my research, my ideas, my goals. I talked. I listened. I learned. And I grew. Three years of dog walks became three years of mentorship. By then, I was volunteering to speak at lab meetings. I even started enjoying it.

Before graduation, Jeffry said: “Paul, I need a favor. I’m invited to give a keynote at a major biology conference, but I have a conflict. Will you go instead?” Me? Giving a keynote at a national conference? I was terrified. But I said yes.

After the talk, someone from the audience approached me. “That was your research?” “Yes.” “Would you like to join our company after graduation?” He handed me his card. CEO. A major biotech firm. And that’s how I landed my job - not just because of my science, but because I learned to speak up, walk alongside others, and build a network.

Now I always tell younger students:
Your network determines how far you go.
Your communication determines how well you go.